I have been watching the goings on at blogging.la over the who is the Grinch of 2009. But i have been personally watching what it is doing to a dear friend of mine who was nominated and I know that there are many people who don't remember why he has the positions he has in the Downtown Community.
I have been given gifts that others don't have and these gifts are those that many in skid row do not have ;some grasp of how the Universe operates and how the laws of the Universe balance out the equations. Many times we are victims of abuse and when I was Ill there was a sick old man who wanted to try and molest me and because it happened in skid row there was no justice..I watch as a person tries to get justice through the purview of public opinion and I see that it is just making her look crazier and crazier. She accuses my friend of having a " political machine" and I just couldn't stop laughing at the thought because there is no power machinations going on. But I know that seeking justice now for myself is quite different watching her. I am not that frail guy who was on oxygen and going through chemo treatments. I have a different future. While I am able to escape skid row that person can't leave at all because of his past and his having to disclose . He is being punished , but unfortunately it seems as though it is to his advantage because he has a place in which predatory behavior is , for the most part, overlooked.
I have been given a gift.. I am getting stronger..leaner and healthier,,. I don't know for how long because I have that autoimmune illness still with me , but stress is not a very good thing that will help me to recover the way I have been. Many times the advice we give people when they have been abused is to forgive the abuser , not to deny that they did those things but we must move on.
I am not the same person I was before. Reaching out and looking for help in an environment where the caregivers aren't doing the care giving. I prayed for this, longed for this and now I have it . I don't have to be afraid anymore...I don't have to let fear turn into who will protect me and defend me from those who would prey upon me and others like me. I am not like that right now...I don't have the diabetes causing me complications with the other autoimmune illness as before , I don't have to be on the oxygen anymore , nor do I have to use a oxygen concentrator to help me breathe and the infection after infection , the bronchitis that could not be controlled... I now have what I prayed for and the Universe saw fit to bestow it upon me.
This blog was partly a way to yell and get attention for people such as myself who had found themselves in a weakened state..now I am not that person anymore...so what need is there for this blog?...many in the skid row community have insisted that I keep it up mainly because they are preyed upon and they can not tell their stories for fear of retaliation ... I am exhausted. I have been given a new lease on life with the weight loss surgery and there are many people out there in skid row and outside of skid row who want me to know that they care for me...and they wish me the best,but I have a new life , a life in which someone else will have to cry out from that skid row mess the injustices and the reality of what that place is... I am no longer there and it seems that eventually I may be moving even farther away from that place,,,,no one can take my new life away from me now , but me, and I want to live whatever short years I have left enjoying that quality of life in peace and quiet ; working on me. AM I selfish, no , I am not ,,,I have done my duty and should be proud that I did...
Watching my friend go through the emotional turmoil I see over at blogging.la , it seems to me now that the tool I used to protect myself in the skid row community is not needed for myself.. I must teach others and provide a venue for others to speak for themselves and tell their stories to the world at large when they ,, as weak members of society are abused...the voices will be many and there are many who will begin to speak up...
I have a new life....there is no need for this blog the way it is now ... I will change the URL to a different blog , but the same URL ,,,,I am an empowered person , a person who now condescends to enter the skid row community when I go there to volunteer etc...the desires of my heart have been answered....
Brady Westwater is correct.. there is no longer a need for this blog the way it was because this is my past , he has told me that I am a different person now and coming from Brady , for him to tell me so .. coming from him is a big thing....
The posts about Jaime Green as posts about many other things were a way to protect myself while living in that environment... by having those posts about him , while I was ill , he would not come near me nor try to emotionally or physically abuse me in any way...at one time he grabbed me , compared to myself and in my weakened state he was very strong and was able to wrest me to the ground...he did this to instill fear in me , because he knew how weak I was . I suspect this is why I am trying to work so hard at the gym now..strength is still something I don't have as of yet,, inflammatory demyelinating neuropathy is not a fun thing...it leaves you weak,,,
For now the posts will stay up for a couple of days and then it will be time to move on to another centralcityeast blog...this blog has helped protect me from predators and has done the same for others in the skid row community , but now I live in a better environment and I have gifts that God has seen fit to give me and these gifts should be better spent towards those aims...I may not even be in Los Angeles in a couple of months or years,,,I long for the wide open spaces and the freedom to enjoy my new found health,,, well, if I don''t work out I won't have that strength... It is a different life for me...I am happy... I am predictable now , since the mood swings from the blood sugar fluctuations are gone as a result of the type II diabetes being gone...but I will have won by changing to a new improved blog that comes from a position of strength and not from a position of crying for fear of abuse...I am free
When we comply with the laws of the Universe and we work within those parameters or at least try to, the universal Laws have no choice but to aid us in our endeavors...
It has been a long road and a journey of lessons , but it is done... I have won...those others may not see this , but I can see this clearly..the Universe will take care of the loose ends.. I don't worry about that ...But I know better. Many of us, God's creatures, know better , but there are those who do not and they live in places separated from the rest of us where they can violate the social contracts , where they have card blanche to prey on each other...when they breach that , that is when we go after them. And I am sorry to say that for many , skid row will be the place they can only live , but still there are those law abiding , sick and weak , like I was , and to some extent still am]still ill , who need to let the rest of society know that just because they are sick and weak , just like I did with this blog , that they should be protected just like everybody else...
I don't have to be worried abut being preyed upon anymore because I no longer live in skid row..this blog will now be dedicated to the rest of those whom I have left behind in skid row who need to still be protected....something amazing is coming...
I have been given gifts that others don't have and these gifts are those that many in skid row do not have ;some grasp of how the Universe operates and how the laws of the Universe balance out the equations. Many times we are victims of abuse and when I was Ill there was a sick old man who wanted to try and molest me and because it happened in skid row there was no justice..I watch as a person tries to get justice through the purview of public opinion and I see that it is just making her look crazier and crazier. She accuses my friend of having a " political machine" and I just couldn't stop laughing at the thought because there is no power machinations going on. But I know that seeking justice now for myself is quite different watching her. I am not that frail guy who was on oxygen and going through chemo treatments. I have a different future. While I am able to escape skid row that person can't leave at all because of his past and his having to disclose . He is being punished , but unfortunately it seems as though it is to his advantage because he has a place in which predatory behavior is , for the most part, overlooked.
I have been given a gift.. I am getting stronger..leaner and healthier,,. I don't know for how long because I have that autoimmune illness still with me , but stress is not a very good thing that will help me to recover the way I have been. Many times the advice we give people when they have been abused is to forgive the abuser , not to deny that they did those things but we must move on.
I am not the same person I was before. Reaching out and looking for help in an environment where the caregivers aren't doing the care giving. I prayed for this, longed for this and now I have it . I don't have to be afraid anymore...I don't have to let fear turn into who will protect me and defend me from those who would prey upon me and others like me. I am not like that right now...I don't have the diabetes causing me complications with the other autoimmune illness as before , I don't have to be on the oxygen anymore , nor do I have to use a oxygen concentrator to help me breathe and the infection after infection , the bronchitis that could not be controlled... I now have what I prayed for and the Universe saw fit to bestow it upon me.
This blog was partly a way to yell and get attention for people such as myself who had found themselves in a weakened state..now I am not that person anymore...so what need is there for this blog?...many in the skid row community have insisted that I keep it up mainly because they are preyed upon and they can not tell their stories for fear of retaliation ... I am exhausted. I have been given a new lease on life with the weight loss surgery and there are many people out there in skid row and outside of skid row who want me to know that they care for me...and they wish me the best,but I have a new life , a life in which someone else will have to cry out from that skid row mess the injustices and the reality of what that place is... I am no longer there and it seems that eventually I may be moving even farther away from that place,,,,no one can take my new life away from me now , but me, and I want to live whatever short years I have left enjoying that quality of life in peace and quiet ; working on me. AM I selfish, no , I am not ,,,I have done my duty and should be proud that I did...
Watching my friend go through the emotional turmoil I see over at blogging.la , it seems to me now that the tool I used to protect myself in the skid row community is not needed for myself.. I must teach others and provide a venue for others to speak for themselves and tell their stories to the world at large when they ,, as weak members of society are abused...the voices will be many and there are many who will begin to speak up...
I have a new life....there is no need for this blog the way it is now ... I will change the URL to a different blog , but the same URL ,,,,I am an empowered person , a person who now condescends to enter the skid row community when I go there to volunteer etc...the desires of my heart have been answered....
Brady Westwater is correct.. there is no longer a need for this blog the way it was because this is my past , he has told me that I am a different person now and coming from Brady , for him to tell me so .. coming from him is a big thing....
The posts about Jaime Green as posts about many other things were a way to protect myself while living in that environment... by having those posts about him , while I was ill , he would not come near me nor try to emotionally or physically abuse me in any way...at one time he grabbed me , compared to myself and in my weakened state he was very strong and was able to wrest me to the ground...he did this to instill fear in me , because he knew how weak I was . I suspect this is why I am trying to work so hard at the gym now..strength is still something I don't have as of yet,, inflammatory demyelinating neuropathy is not a fun thing...it leaves you weak,,,
For now the posts will stay up for a couple of days and then it will be time to move on to another centralcityeast blog...this blog has helped protect me from predators and has done the same for others in the skid row community , but now I live in a better environment and I have gifts that God has seen fit to give me and these gifts should be better spent towards those aims...I may not even be in Los Angeles in a couple of months or years,,,I long for the wide open spaces and the freedom to enjoy my new found health,,, well, if I don''t work out I won't have that strength... It is a different life for me...I am happy... I am predictable now , since the mood swings from the blood sugar fluctuations are gone as a result of the type II diabetes being gone...but I will have won by changing to a new improved blog that comes from a position of strength and not from a position of crying for fear of abuse...I am free
When we comply with the laws of the Universe and we work within those parameters or at least try to, the universal Laws have no choice but to aid us in our endeavors...
It has been a long road and a journey of lessons , but it is done... I have won...those others may not see this , but I can see this clearly..the Universe will take care of the loose ends.. I don't worry about that ...But I know better. Many of us, God's creatures, know better , but there are those who do not and they live in places separated from the rest of us where they can violate the social contracts , where they have card blanche to prey on each other...when they breach that , that is when we go after them. And I am sorry to say that for many , skid row will be the place they can only live , but still there are those law abiding , sick and weak , like I was , and to some extent still am]still ill , who need to let the rest of society know that just because they are sick and weak , just like I did with this blog , that they should be protected just like everybody else...
I don't have to be worried abut being preyed upon anymore because I no longer live in skid row..this blog will now be dedicated to the rest of those whom I have left behind in skid row who need to still be protected....something amazing is coming...
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