Mental Illness and autoimmune illness , just some thoughts. The road has been long and rough , but I can't believe I have overcome- reposted
I posted this last year around this time. It was sad . But now I have overcome some obstacles. It is great to see a future other than being on skid row and without the dignity of work. Just thought it was interesting to read this after a while.
I am just thinking about mental illness. To suffer with a mental illness doesn't make someone mentally incompetent, but it sure does make one suffer much when one gets to the point that they think that no amount of medication will alleviate one's suffering. Those who wish to help become fewer and far between when one has a lapse in their thinking or think they don't need their meds anymore because you feel fine. My problem was the physical ailment I had recently -I still have physical maladies -and I decided not to take any medication at all. That wasn't good because anxiety becomes a problem not just the depression. I can't believe that I do suffer with Major Depressive Disorder , but that comes with PTSD. I mean , you can't diagnose yourself so you depend on others to do so and it is enlightening now that I have that label. Diagnoses are just labels or rather points from which one can draw direction for treatment. Others will never understand mental illness and I suppose there are those who do take advantage of the stigma attached with it to tear down the person who does suffer with it. But one does get to the point where you can feel alone and the only help and comfort you can draw from is the Universe and that loving creator.
You just want to be normal and want to play in the game. I remember reading a book by Og Mandino where a little boy who was suffering with a brain tumor just wanted to play baseball and didn't tell the coach or team about his malady because he wanted to be treated like everyone else. He wasn't treated very well by the other team members but he tried his best to play , even without special treatment. I guess that is how I feel at times. I want to play . Just to be able to get in there and have at least that semblance of normalcy , knowing that I am trying my best. Right now, though , I have gotten so close , yet once again it is falling apart. But I will get back up again and move on. SOmetimes you want to run , I don't want to run anymore , I am getting older and the bouts of illness will get stronger, the depression and the anxiety , so I have to take the medication regularly and I have been doing that. Others may not want to understand or just want to get even , but I can't just jump in the river or off of a bridge because someone else thinks I deserve that. People are mean . Not everyone is a nice person. I believe that is why it is easy for me to forgive. Some things I will not forgive, though. The strong taking advantage of the weak is one of those pet peeves and I don't think I could ever not have that as one of my pet peeves.
Music has always been a comfort to me , yet I do not practice much of it anymore. I think it is about time to find a choir and I think the Cathedral Choir may be where I need to go. It should help.
I am just thinking about mental illness. To suffer with a mental illness doesn't make someone mentally incompetent, but it sure does make one suffer much when one gets to the point that they think that no amount of medication will alleviate one's suffering. Those who wish to help become fewer and far between when one has a lapse in their thinking or think they don't need their meds anymore because you feel fine. My problem was the physical ailment I had recently -I still have physical maladies -and I decided not to take any medication at all. That wasn't good because anxiety becomes a problem not just the depression. I can't believe that I do suffer with Major Depressive Disorder , but that comes with PTSD. I mean , you can't diagnose yourself so you depend on others to do so and it is enlightening now that I have that label. Diagnoses are just labels or rather points from which one can draw direction for treatment. Others will never understand mental illness and I suppose there are those who do take advantage of the stigma attached with it to tear down the person who does suffer with it. But one does get to the point where you can feel alone and the only help and comfort you can draw from is the Universe and that loving creator.
You just want to be normal and want to play in the game. I remember reading a book by Og Mandino where a little boy who was suffering with a brain tumor just wanted to play baseball and didn't tell the coach or team about his malady because he wanted to be treated like everyone else. He wasn't treated very well by the other team members but he tried his best to play , even without special treatment. I guess that is how I feel at times. I want to play . Just to be able to get in there and have at least that semblance of normalcy , knowing that I am trying my best. Right now, though , I have gotten so close , yet once again it is falling apart. But I will get back up again and move on. SOmetimes you want to run , I don't want to run anymore , I am getting older and the bouts of illness will get stronger, the depression and the anxiety , so I have to take the medication regularly and I have been doing that. Others may not want to understand or just want to get even , but I can't just jump in the river or off of a bridge because someone else thinks I deserve that. People are mean . Not everyone is a nice person. I believe that is why it is easy for me to forgive. Some things I will not forgive, though. The strong taking advantage of the weak is one of those pet peeves and I don't think I could ever not have that as one of my pet peeves.
Music has always been a comfort to me , yet I do not practice much of it anymore. I think it is about time to find a choir and I think the Cathedral Choir may be where I need to go. It should help.
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