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MIssing the fun..... getting ready for the ride

I am sort of out of sorts. I have this horrible urge to sob. I wonder if it is because of the fun I know I missed Yesterday when the 30n3 skid row league had their first games on the new Nike/ general Jeff basketball Court at Gladys Park. Or maybe it is because I know that getting older I will suffer longer bouts of illness than when I was younger. The Diabetes of course guarantees this , so maybe I have to get used to it . Being inside stinks and I hate it. But at least I am warm.


Next year looks to be a good ride for me , if I can stay away from skid row activities and service. Gotta get out there and make some money. Some people do not want me to succeed and make my millions, but I personally think they can go rot in a corner somewhere. SO next year Downtown may not see me since I have decided that I will begin my endeavors far from downtown so that the saboteurs downtown don't get in my way.

Then , maybe , I will come back downtown.

You know, dressing as a woman for the very first time was rather sort of a message sent that I really don't care anymore what people think of me. Living in a section of downtown that could be compared to the bible belt , well , you have to live with the street preachers and neighbors who just love to preach hate against those that they do not like. A lot of that comes from those who at one time either were on drugs or are now off of drugs or are just plain insecure and want to breath their misery down on everyone else. I have been the target of homophobia since I first moved to Downtown. Since I did not buy crack whores I was considered to be gay. SO I have had that stuff thrown at me lot's. When I was going through my chemo treatments for 7 years I had no desire and of course was targeted by homophobes who saw my being alone as some sort of homosexuality. Thus, I have gained quite a lot of empathy for those who truly suffer at the hands of homophobes.

Being an actor. I think it is ok for me to dress now and then in costumes. Why not? It is fun. I also believe that I am secure in my masculinity that doing drag to raise money for the food bank is ok.

I can live with that....

Knowing that I will have lot's of money in the near future also makes me now want to remove the masks of those who are intolerant of others. I can see them. I live in a community that has it's hands out all of the time and any organization that would be homophobic or intolerant of others, well, be prepared not to get any of my donations.
You know how you are.....I will not help those who have been , in their ignorance towards me during my illness, evil, continue to practice such evil with my money.

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