celebrating mental illness

As we watch as the new film ; The Soloist, is released, I am very well aware of the tragedy of mental illness. I am one who wound up at such a young age at around 21 having to deal with Major Depression and to make things worse hypothyroidism. The hypothyroidism made the depression even worse and made me lethargic and I was tortured at every level because of my decrease in physical abilities the rest of my time in the Marine Corps.

After we came home from desert storm I was confronted with my family berating me as a murderer, particularly my Uncle and my Aunti.. I had called from a forward area where 2nd marine division had established a chow hall ,and it seemed I would miss the main assault into Kuwait so I let my family know this, unfortunately for me I did make the main assault and did go through the breeches in the mine fields with my unit. When we came home from that war... I was even letting my Uncle know that I was about get get all of my tuition paid for by the State of Texas , when he abruptly asked me what made me so special. I began to get so depressed. My little sister also made me feel terrible. It was a horrible time for me because I was so depressed and didn't understand what the ribbons I wore on my right breast signified. I died deep inside knowing my family was ashamed of me and called me a coward or a murderer. Little did I know I also had portions of my brainstem that were inflamed and had a demyelinating illness. It was a horrible time for me..because no one would help me because of the diagnosis, later, of mental illness.

I only now know that the 3 small ribbons I wore on my right breast, combat action ribbon, Navy Unit commendation , meritorious unit commendation, one was the unit equivalent of an individual receiving a silver star and the other was the unit equivalent of an individual receiving a bronze star. Little did I know that those two ribbons , along with the combat action ribbon, on my right breast told the story of heroism in battle and the job my unit was called to do in breaching the mine fields in front of the grunts to be able to support them from the front because our artillery had a shorter range than their artillery.. so throw in an MOS of artillery and you can see how no matter how much I told the story, it was thought to be embellished, but I never realized that those three ribbons told the whole story.... my life took a course , a course that would leave me without my family......all because I did not understand that those little ribbons are not given out like candy, but are only authorized to be warn by the secretary of the Navy and the president of the United States of America...wow!!!!!


Mental illness, specifically PTSD , has a way of bending reality and taking your soul from you if you get no help....

I am glad for all of us , as a result of Nathaniel Ayers......let us enjoy it while we can, but after the premieres and after the the oscars , next year, we know that it will just be in the back of our minds again....

Now at 38 , with the prospects of finally becoming a millionaire , i can feel my body deteriorating rapidly. I can't handle the heat anymore amongst other things , but I move forward knowing in my heart that those who hurt us, people like Anita U Nelson, the executive director of SRO Housing Corporation , can't hurt us anymore....esp, now that I am coming into my own. May god help me to continue to make those advances. No one can take my combat action ribbon from me nor can they take away the navy unit commendation and meritorious unit commendation I helped earn for 2nd battalion 1oth marines during operation desert storm along with those unsung heroes out there , like myself , who only seeing putting our lives in danger for others as only a part of our job. We will continue to do so even after war..