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just coping

Ah!!! Addicts... they are so insecure. They are insecure. Putting up even with case managers that feel that their power is threatened. They know I am ill and sick , but this is why I dread living in these places. People with mental illness, those who get along with gays, and those of us who have multiple physical illnesses are always picked on by these people....
They can't mind their business most of the time. I am doing my best to save money and I have surgeries coming up - minor- and I know that living at the Midnight Mission is the best place to be , but dealing with people who think that you are not deserving of anything, speaking down to you in front of others living there, to make it seem that you are not being productive and also making it seem that the rules don't apply to you to stir up resentment from the addicts in the building, well that is childish..

I have been filled with prednisone intravenously , I have a chronic demyelinating condition that flares up and causes me pain and to have a program manager make fun of me in front of others because I am not feeling well, to put me down by saying that I am not taking my medicine , well, I already understand their inmaturity, this is why they are recovering addicts.

I love being at the Midnight Mission , but I have been so fatigued as of late and to have a case manager bang on my door at at 11 pm at night, knowing that I have PTSD , and I know he was trying to get a reaction out of me because he had a female intern standing behind a wall to see what my reaction was. 11 pm at night baning on my door!!!! and then he tells me that I have to clean the whole upper 3rd floor on Sundays and if I don't there will be disciplinary action....He was just trying to get my goat and I beleive that because I am friends with the administrative staff, some of them don't want me around for fear that I could go above their heads and complain about their behavior.....But there is a deeper issue. These people resent the fact that I have been accomplished member of the community and I suffer with mental illness and am friends with gays...

You see, these recovering addicts are the masters of passive agressive behavior.... they know they do wrong..... I mean , He even told me that if I don't treat him with respect that he was going to use passive agressive behavior to deny me being allowed to leave the building by tearing up the passes that need to be signed. I mean , the only reason I fill out the pass is because if there was an emergency , they would know I am not in the building. They don't like me being in a third floor room . It also bothers them that I have never used drugs, don't whore around, and would never violate those rules by putting those substances in my body.....

I am having misgivings about staying there, but I know that they need help and I am close to getting it ... but they fight you every step of the way, even if that means sabotaging the efforts of those who are finding ways of bringing in money to continue to pay their paychecks....

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