Father? Are you there? I have tried to be humble... I can't say I have done my best... but I have tried... Sometimes I lose track and site of the mark. Sometimes in my pain I can see it up close...sometimes when I am feeling well I can see it only in the distance.
The doctors have me on a new medicine I have to inject it everyday twice a day now. I still can't believe the diagnoses I have and am still alive. Medicines that others could not get, but I trusted you to be there for me...it has been miracle after miracle that has kept me alive..
I asked you to let me be who I am ... Let me be the person who I knew was me just for a little while longer...instead, it has been many years after I asked that I would be the servant that you would have wanted me to be .. When I graduated from the marine corps and I was carrying my green seabag ,I said in my heart .. "I need no one now , not even god"... oh , how wrong I was . I need you for everyday. Now I am in a place that everywhere you turn there is opportunity to be of service. I am afraid to leave because then who will I serve? Sometimes I think that if I do not serve I will die. You have said that if we "have done it unto the least of these my brethren you have done it unto me." Have I been a good servant. It is who I am and I don't understand why I am not able to do that which you have commanded such as visit the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked , but have been sent on a journey to help those to do it for themselves. To fight for the services that are supposed to be provided that will help those who need them. TO learn to fend for themselves instead of constantly be at the mercy of others for their basic needs. It is unreal that all I have to do is walk out my door and I am visiting the sick , and clothing the naked , and feeding the poor.
Oh father!!! what will it be like once I am gone from here? What is next for me?
One thing is for sure I know that I am running towards that finish line. It is closer now.But when I think my journey may be coming to an end: a new miracle happens , a new door opens that allows me to continue to serve , something new happens.
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